I have been so emotional lately. I guess I realize that a year ago we were dealing with the scariest thing in my life. Having a bunch of doctors tell you YOUR baby has a serious heart defect and they have never really seen something like it and who knows how Kate's surgery will really turn out. That is a lot to swallow. A LOT. That week before her surgery was definetly an out of body experience for me. I literally felt like everything was moving in this weird motion, kinda like what you see on movies when the character is also being told something life changing. I knew right at that moment the Dr. told me my daughter needed open-heart surgery my life was forever changed. Just in that small moment, that's all it takes. I came home with Kate, of course very relieved, but also I had to come home with her and then deal with all the emotion I had just been through. When you are in the intensive care unit, you don't spend a few weeks there NOT seeing life and death situations every day. Those kids were critical and I went home and had to realize how fragile we really are.
With all of that said, I have sure come a long way. Sure, I definetly still have my days I am scared out of my mind even thinking one day we may have to do this again. But what happened happened, I feel I am accepting this. And I can honestly say I am grateful to all I have learned during this time. I feel I was so naieve and close minded to some things in life and now I have grown in ways I never even imagined. I think when you go through something like this, you feel compassion on a whole new level. I mean sure, when you hear about someone loosing a child or family member going through a struggle you think "oh, I can't even IMAGINE what THEY are going through!" and pretty much leave it at that. But now that i've gone there, I feel like OHHH!!! I know the pain and I KNOW how hard life's trials really can be. I am grateful I got to meet so many others dealing with even more on their plate than I know and are, in my opinion, some of the best people I have meet in my life. I think this experience has helped me understand KC in ways I never did before, and those lessons have been valuable to me. KC was such a rock through the entire situation. Sometimes to the point I was like, hey, aren't you having a hard time too? Then one day it hit me. KC lost his mom and dad when he was six. He went through some hard times at such a young age. I have always known this but I guess the full effect of it never hit me like it did when I was struggling with Kate's condition. It was like the lights finally came on for me. I now feel like I understand why KC is the way he is and I appreciate all his struggles so much more. He has always seen the big picture, and I am just learning. I know there will still be more trials in our life. Still more devistations. We will get through them when we have to. I imagine when my time on this earth is over, I will feel so relieved I overcame some of the things I did, and as crazy as it sounds, I will be thankful for these experiences and what they have made me become.
With all of that said, I have sure come a long way. Sure, I definetly still have my days I am scared out of my mind even thinking one day we may have to do this again. But what happened happened, I feel I am accepting this. And I can honestly say I am grateful to all I have learned during this time. I feel I was so naieve and close minded to some things in life and now I have grown in ways I never even imagined. I think when you go through something like this, you feel compassion on a whole new level. I mean sure, when you hear about someone loosing a child or family member going through a struggle you think "oh, I can't even IMAGINE what THEY are going through!" and pretty much leave it at that. But now that i've gone there, I feel like OHHH!!! I know the pain and I KNOW how hard life's trials really can be. I am grateful I got to meet so many others dealing with even more on their plate than I know and are, in my opinion, some of the best people I have meet in my life. I think this experience has helped me understand KC in ways I never did before, and those lessons have been valuable to me. KC was such a rock through the entire situation. Sometimes to the point I was like, hey, aren't you having a hard time too? Then one day it hit me. KC lost his mom and dad when he was six. He went through some hard times at such a young age. I have always known this but I guess the full effect of it never hit me like it did when I was struggling with Kate's condition. It was like the lights finally came on for me. I now feel like I understand why KC is the way he is and I appreciate all his struggles so much more. He has always seen the big picture, and I am just learning. I know there will still be more trials in our life. Still more devistations. We will get through them when we have to. I imagine when my time on this earth is over, I will feel so relieved I overcame some of the things I did, and as crazy as it sounds, I will be thankful for these experiences and what they have made me become.
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